


If This is Love

by kallie_co



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Cheating, I'm Sorry, It's going to hurt, M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, PINING KEITH, Unrequited Love, klangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 00:00:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15424542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kallie_co/pseuds/kallie_co
Summary: Keith has felt love.  The kind of love where they don't love you back.  The kind of love when you don't get kisses or hand holding.  The kind of love that kills you for a few months before you have to confess and it ruins the friendship and you kinda have to just suffer for a bit and then you move on.Lance has been loved.  The kind of love where you enjoy your time together, but you aren't intent on staying around.  The kind of love where you stand awestruck on the street for a bit before going about your day.  The kind of love that lasts anywhere from 20 minutes to a few hours, if you know what I mean.Both want to feel something more.





	If This is Love

__ _**It’s been a long day, and I’m trying to figure out the way those words left your mouth.** _

     “ _I don’t love you!  Get that through your skull, okay?”_   Lance stormed out before any question or apology could fall from Keith’s lips.  The slam of the door behind him rocked Keith to the very core of his being.  What could Keith do now?  He walked to his room, unfeeling and numb.  Keith found himself burrowing under the sheets, his eyes never leaving the blue blanket thrown over the comforter.

            _**I feel broken, shattered, and blue, and it’s all because of you.  And I’m trying, trying to figure it out.**_

     Keith could feel the sadness in his heart, but no tears came.  It was worse that way.  With the tears, there was evidence that this was real, and that this happened.  When there was only the clawing feeling in his chest, Keith had to be the bad guy to himself.  He couldn’t let himself hope it was a dream.  He had to remind himself that it had happened.  He had to remind himself that not everything was going to be a happy ending.  He had to remind himself that people don’t love him back.

            _ **If this is love, why does it break me down?  Why do you break me down?**_

            Now, Keith never had really felt love.  Not in the weak-in-the-knees, can’t-catch-my-breath, kiss-my-worries-away kind of love.  He felt love the way you feel when you just _know_ you would make such a good couple.  The love you feel when you’ve been best friends for so long and they’re the only one who cares for you.  The love you feel when you have too much love to give away.

            So, that is to say that he’s never _felt_ love.

            Sure, he had Shiro.  It’s not like his brother didn’t love him, it’s just that his brother couldn’t be the one to dry Keith’s tears at three in the morning.  Honestly, Keith didn’t like bothering his brother either.  Shiro had a lot going on after his and Adam’s fight.  They never seemed to truly get past it, leading to more fights and less trust.

            That’s a big reason why Keith doesn’t open to people.

            He was happy with his job as a cashier at the local grocery store.  He was happy with his boss, Coran, trusting him enough that he could practically run the store on his own.  He was happy with the little flirts he got throughout the day.  Even the one’s from women.  Sure, he didn’t necessarily _like_ women, but a compliment is a compliment either way.

            Keith had work friends.  He had his manager, Allura.  He had Hunk in the deli.  He had Pidge in the produce section.  He didn’t go out with them very often, just because he found himself drained in social situations.  Once he got more comfortable, the group quickly deemed Keith a “cinnamon roll” who was to be protected.  Though it would have normally rubbed Keith the wrong way, but he knows that they truly mean that he always has someone to turn to.  Keith was happy.  He didn’t feel the empty pull inside him that kept asking what’s wrong with him, that kept asking why no one was truly interested in him, that kept asking why Keith wasn’t worthy of love.  Because Keith had love.  It just wasn’t want he was craving.

            Then he met Lance.

            And _goddamn_ Lance.

            Fuck his long legs, his tan complexion, his eyes that weren’t blue, they were _blue_.  Fuck his ability to get everyone to like him.  Fuck his competitive nature.  Fuck him _especially_ for getting a job at the store and constantly flirting with Keith.

            Fuck him for completely understanding Keith.

            Fuck him for showing Keith a different type of love.

            “Hey Keith,” Lance’s telltale smug tone broke Keith out of his trance.  “Take a picture, it’ll go home with you.”  He finished his annoyingly accurate observation with a wink.  Because Lance _wouldn’t_ go home with Keith.  They were hardly friends.

            “Fuck off Lance.”  Keith winced at his own statement as a withered old lady walked to his own aisle.  Keith tried to ignore Lance snickering as he greeted the elderly woman and began to ring up her groceries.  She only smiled back at Lance before turning to Keith with a mischievous grin on her face.

            “My husband and I were just like that.  To be young and in love.”  She sighed as her eyes glazed over, clearly lost in some memory.  Neither of the boys bothered correcting her since the old lady was so clearly nostalgic.

            _**It’s been a long time since I felt the way I do now, like I need you but I don’t know how.**_

           Keith didn’t leave his apartment too much.  He felt this ache in his chest before.  Like he wants to be close to Lance, but he knows doing so will only cause further harm.  He has to remind himself that he doesn’t _need_ Lance, he just _wants_ Lance.  He finds himself looking through their pictures.  Smiling pictures of Lance and himself.  Pictures of Lance from their beach trip, the one where he whispered what Keith now knows to be sweet nothings all week.  Even pictures of them in bed.  Keith finds his hand ghosting over his lips, his neck, his chest.  Places that were holy, blessed by Lance’s mouth.  He didn’t expect it to be like this.  Keith now knew how the difference between real love and unrequited love felt like.

            _**It’s been a while since I smiled.**_

            Keith was not depressed.  He was numb.  He didn’t feel joy, but he wasn’t feeling sadness either.  Pidge dropped by to watch conspiracy theories with him, but nothing brought a smile to his face.  Hunk stopped by and often made dinner, even going so far to make Keith a hippopotamus cake.  Not even a smirk.  Shiro was in no place to comfort him beyond offering Keith a shoulder to cry on, even trying to make Keith chuckle by clarifying that it wouldn’t even be the prosthetic one.  Allura and Coran could only give him all the time he needed.

            _**And I meant it for all my heart, but the idea of leaving all this behind, it tears me apart.**_

            Keith _wanted_ to throw all of Lance’s clothes out, he wanted to reclaim his space with his blacks and reds rather than the blues and purples that covered his bed, his couch, his soul.  Keith shook his head.  He shouldn’t think like that anymore.  He went through this before, this wasn’t the first or last time he was going to have to get over it.  As he looked into the mirror, a tired boy stared at him.  His eyes were heavy-lidded, like he didn’t have the strength or motivation to fully open them.  His hair was pulled back and he had a headband on.  His shirt had stains from two days ago, his face was porcelain, like a doll.  Unfeeling.

            _**If this is love, why does it break me down?  Why do you break me down?**_

            Lance and Keith were at a bar, the first time they were alone other than work.  Lance flirted with Keith and kissed him when another man approached Keith.  He later pushed Keith against his car and ravaged his mouth with promises for more.

            Lance and Keith were at Keith’s home, the first morning after.  Keith was making breakfast, singing to some song playing in his headphones.  Lance was watching in awe from the kitchen island, just taken away by Keith’s voice.  He showered Keith in compliments before digging into the pancakes.

            Lance and Keith were at the grocery store, just getting off of their shift.  A woman was trying to get Lance’s number before Lance threaded his fingers between Keith’s and told her that he had a boyfriend.  Lance took Keith in the backseat of his car after that.

            Lance and Keith were at the beach, just for the weekend.  They laid in bed that evening, sunburnt and tired, having no need for blankets with their own skin keeping them warm.  Keith was curled into Lance’s chest as Lance let out a heavy sigh and let it out in one breath.

            “ _I love you._ ”

 __ _**Kiss me now and remind me why I ever wanted to make you mine.** _

           Lance stood in Keith’s doorway, drunk.  “Look,” he slurred.  “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.  I shouldn’t have been mad that you beat the shit out of Lotor.  I shouldn’t have cheated on you.  So, I’m sorry, let’s make up.”  He pitched himself forward, aiming for Keith’s lips.

            Keith didn’t dodge it.

            The kiss was dull, with Lance being too drunk to move his mouth.  Keith felt the clawing sensation in his chest stop.  Lance didn’t mean this.  He didn’t mean it at all.  He didn’t mean it when he said he loves Keith.  He didn’t mean it when he apologized for cheating.  Lance was worse off than Keith.  Keith couldn’t be loved, but Lance couldn’t _love._

            _**Even though it hurts in this moment, I’ve always known it.  You’re the other half of my broken heart.**_

             They fell into bed once again.  Lance craved love.  Keith gave it freely.  For two people who would never be happy, they were perfect for each other.  They damned themselves to a lifetime game of push and pull from the day Keith saw blue for the first time.

 __ _**If this is love, why does it break me down?  Why do you break me down?** _


End file.
